My atrophied imagination

Kate and I were talking the other night about the loss of creativity. When I was in high school and college I used to write poetry all the time. Now, I don't. I have sat down and tried from time to time (mostly to fuel my last bands need for bad lyrics) and found none of the inspiration I used to feel. I was never a good poet, but there was usually some corner of my imagination that I could stretch and find an interesting concept upon which to write. Where did that go?

Is it because I don't sit down to write as much? Is it because I simply don't do it enough and am out of practice? Has year upon year of 9-5 desk jockeying so sedated my right brain that my creativity has simply atropheyed? I miss my ability to create characters and strange locations off the top of my head and explain them to my friends during one of our many role playing sessions. I miss the amazing variety of possible futures played out in my various day dreams. I still have daydreams but they're usually the same things. I still value them, but I wonder why my imagination has given up on the universe of possibilitities it once explored at an almost break-neck pace.

I have noticed my own limitations in learning as well. Science tells us that children have a much higher capacity to learn new things (like speaking a language or playing a new instrument). As you may know, I am taking guitar lessons. Part of this is learning music theory. It's hard though - harder than it should be. I can almost feel my rather stale brain resist when I try to understand the relationships between concepts. It's frustrating because it makes me feel stupid and I know that I am not stupid.

Perhaps, above all, I am just too settled in my concept of what my future might hold. My father told me the story of his 30th birthday where he looked at his life - corporate job, wife, two kids, house in the suburbs - and wondered "what now?" He stared down the maw of a future with no variety - a set path that left little to creativity and person choice. It scared him and I can understand why. I think somehow we need to embrace the "plans" of our life (like employment, marriage, children) and not resent them for the restrictions they put on our freedom. At the same time, I see it as absolutely vital that we find ways to stretch out and use our creativity, our capacity to learn, the savor of the unknown and unknowable.

We Levite's say "you don't grow old, you stop learning and you become old." I've been feeling old lately. I will redouble my efforts. I will learn some new tricks.